A Teen’s Response To Prickly Parenting

Published on by TheDaddyBlitz

[TheDaddyBlitz Introduction]

The following is a response from a 16-year old to my Prickly Parenting post. After she gave some feedback, I asked her if she would be willing to share her perspective on behalf of teens, and she graciously agreed! And without arguing! 🙂

I take the following from her response:

1) Communicate with your teen without yelling and without condescension. When you yell, they block you out–the brick wall. Let them know you are trying to help them and that you are doing so because you love them. If you didn’t love them, you wouldn’t bother disciplining.

2) But also listen to your teen and try to understand his or her perspective. Make sure communication runs both directions and that both are truly trying to understand the other. Think back to when you were a teen and try to put yourself in your teen’s position and mindset.

3) Take every opportunity to remind your teens how proud you are of them. Compliment them on their achievements AND effort. Because teens require so much “parenting,” take every opportunity to lift them with your compliments. Look for and praise their effort, even if they don’t fully succeed.

So, take a look at her post below and be liberal with your feedback. Questions welcomed.

[Contributed by Saylwithpens.]

Hello everyone! I’m Sayl! I got this wonderful, yet terrifying opportunity from, The Daddy Blitz! He has invited me to write a response post for, Prickly Parenting! 🙂 If you haven’t done so, you should take a look at that post before reading this post from me, otherwise things probably won’t make a whole lot of sense. Anyways, before I start my arguing– ehem, I mean talking about my view as teen on The Daddy Blitz post, if any of you are interested you can take a look at my blog, SaylwithPens, for a little background information. 🙂 Alrighty, cutting down to the slack!


I’m sure some of you are thinking, why would he let a teenager write a response to his post? Honestly, I think it’s nice to know a teenager’s view on how parents manage the career of parenting, but other than that, I do not know! You should maybe ask him that question. Getting two views on one specific topic is actually refreshing, as in, it’s nice to know what the other person is thinking or reaction in the same situation. You get two views! Hey, I think it’s nice to know that! I mean, if there is a conflict, I would like to know what the other person is thinking, that way it makes it easier to solve the problem! That’s right! I think you guys know right where I’m heading!

red-telephone-booth

Communication. That’s right.

Communication is a big part to life and guess what parents? You’re going to have to communicate to your teenager. No, please don’t go over to your phone and text your teenager. Have a clear conversation on what you expect out of them. And teens? Yeah you have to talk too, but I know it’s super hard to hear what you don’t want to hear, but please just listen and respect them when they tell you their expectations. But, my main focus are the parents who are dying to know what’s going through their teen’s head when they are talking.

Parents, if I understand right, most of you want to trust your kid. You want your kid going out and doing something pretty fun, but with responsibilities. Touching a little bit on the post, Prickly Parenting, when The Daddy Blitz says, “And then their responses multiply my prickles. You know what I’m talking about…The eye-rolling. The sighing. The back-talking. The sass,” we teens want to be right, but criticism isn’t easy on our ears. But, we think we know it all; I’ll admit it, we don’t. When we think we are almost adults, we are actually pretty far from that. I mean some adults haven’t figured it out and are just playing the game, if you know what I mean.

We roll our eyes because we are laughing, or saying something that probably shouldn’t be said! Haha, this may not be the case every time because when my dad makes those…puns, they are…ridiculous! Thanks for stating the obvious, Dad. SO then I roll my eyes because the joke he was trying to get off is so bad and so stinking obvious. But anyway, I shouldn’t roll my eyes because it’s disrespectful and rude.

I’m pretty sure everyone knows the reason behind all rudeness we throw off at adults. Okay, we are going through a very uncomfortable stage called growing-and-everything-is-getting-to-be-really-confusing. But, that shouldn’t be the only reason we tick our parents off. The answer is,

We just need to understand you are trying to teach us how to survive in the real world.

I think that you need to remind them, even though they may appear to be ignoring you, that you are trying to teach them how to be an adult in the real world because…you love us. But don’t just constantly remind us verbally every day. Do it in different ways. I’ll share an example from my parents. So, I am in speech and we compete all around the state at different schools. So my dad came to judge and watch me speak. I haven’t seen him all day except when he was watching my speech that I have written. He sent me a text later saying that he was very proud of me. Seeing his daughter mature and grow; he was very proud of me. Okay the point I’m trying to get at is, remind us on what we accomplished. It motivates us to try harder. Also, we respect you for noticing that we are trying.

Teens won’t grow overnight, unfortunately, it’s a long process. 

I’m not trying to train you parents to be perfect ones, in fact there’s no such thing. But maybe understand your son’s or daughter’s position; remember yourself as a teenager. Even though technology has become a big part of our world, understanding your teen is really, really reassuring. And I mean that. I know how that feels. Having a parent there by your side telling you that they really know how you feel is great. 🙂

So, I got three steps for you all parents that might be helpful.

1.Communicate, as in, CLEAR communication.

2. Remind. Remind us you’re trying to teach us. Remind us on how proud you are.

3. Understand. Understand the situation your teen is in. If you can’t understand, then sympathize.

We teens are trying, well, at least I am, to respect and earn trust from you guys! Here’s a good verse I like to remind myself when I feel like ignoring or bypassing their rules.

children-obey-parents

Just something good to know. 🙂

Feeling prickly? Feeling like you want to find a comeback for your teenager? There’s something better for both parent and the teen to do; to help understand both views of the situation. Communicate-ask your teen what’s up. Ask your teen to put it in your perspective for better understanding on both sides. Talking about it is way better than not talking about it at all. 

Remind- Remind us on how proud you are on our progress. Remind us that you’re trying to teach us how to live in the real world, because, you love us. 🙂

Understand-look back when you were a teen, you probably felt the same things. Help your teen understand that you’re doing this because you love them. 

I hope I gave the struggling parents some ideas, or something they already knew. Epic fail there. Or maybe a different perspective on, Prickly Parenting, but I don’t know. I just hopes this helps you in some way. 🙂 Plus, good luck on parenting teens!

Feel free to give your insights or comments below. 🙂 I would like to hear from you all! Is there something I could have covered more? Less? Something else? I look forward to your agru–uh, statements!

Thank you, Daddy Blitz for this opportunity!

And, Thank you all for reading!

-Sayl

63 thoughts on “A Teen’s Response To Prickly Parenting”

  3. Excellent response from Sayl! I especially loved the point of having a clear conversation with my teenager and not simply texting. I know that my oldest son communicates with his friends on Facebook, especially now that he is in college; but he and I have actual conversations, even when he is away. The “text” is used a last resort when necessary. I want to hear my child’s voice and, when possible, look that child in the eyes.

    I’m glad that you allowed the teenage perspective here. We can learn a lot from simply listening to them. Thanks to Sayl for taking the time to share!

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  7. This goes along with a lot of what Sayl is saying, but it’s a bit higher point of view; the strategy behind her tactics, if you will.

    Think of raising your child as being on a teeter totter. All the weight of every decision is on your end, leaving the kid high & dry, so to speak. Raising her is gradually rolling one decision after another to her end. When she has all the weight, you, as a parent, are now high and dry. You’ve raised them as best you can, and that’s it.

    I always counseled my girls on decisions. I rarely told them what to do. I would define the situation, note possible outcomes, asked them what bad news they could live with, and hand it off to them.

    If your protégé insists on doing something stupid…let her. As long as it won’t be fatal or permanent, like a criminal record and jail time. She isn’t listening and you want to kick her ass, so hit two birds with one stone. Let her have her way and let the world kick her ass for you. There are only two caveats here. 1) You can’t say I told you so. You can only comfort her. If anyone is going to say you were right, let it be her or no one. 2) Be ready for the student to become the master. Just in case she was right. Odds are against it, but I’m just saying.

    You see, the only wounds we feel are the ones we get. We can’t learn from our parents’ wounds (experiences). If we are not the listening type, we need to get sliced and diced ourselves sometimes. #2 above will teach SOMEONE that he or she was wrong.

    Some of those decisions might come rolling back your way. Or she’ll keep them and do it better next time. At that point, you really have done your job. When you talk to her, talk to her like she’s a great customer at your business, and you want to help her make the right buying decision. Would you go ballistic on even stupid a customer? If not, why would you on your own flesh and blood!

    Just in case you think I’m wise with all of this, I’m not. I’m heavily scarred.

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    1. I have raised mine also on my R&D Principle. Research & Developent? Maybe. Relationship & Decisions, yes. Even so, they are individuals who had made very bad choices, especially after having been hurt repeatedly in several successive churches we attended. Right now, even with fairly reasonable, democratic parenting, two young adults gone astray.

      Do NOT oppose your spouse in front of the child. You will produce a rebel that will hate BOTH patents.

      In “divorced marriages” it is just insane to play one parent off against another. Boys grow up to be wife beaters due to how their Moms treated them, not because they are demons. I have seen this many times, yet the professions never seem to have noticed this during all their case studies and academic research.

      The bitterness of a mother ruins the child but a mother who can forgive, goes a long way. A very rough special forces trooper once remarked to me, during counseling, that “if it wasn’t for how my @#%&@ mother forgave the other woman, even comforted her when my dad died, I never could have believed in the ¶∆℅#@& Lord.” A rough way to say it, but his crude remark hit me in the heart. I know his mother and she is the most gracious, forgiving person I have ever met.

      God is the perfect parent. Just look at we humans. There are no guarantees.

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    1. We are role models supposed to show our young a model of God. He is all about relationship. How do we convey love, righteousness and justice without relationship? Or do you propose sending yours into life as distant, disconnected and aloof individuals who will never taste LIFE?

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            1. Star Trek is by no means a source of knowedge; its is a sci-fi fantasy dreamt up by, as you stated, bags of water. I am not going to discuss this with you any further as I won’t be drawn down to your level.

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              3. Okay, the gig is up. My original comment was a tongue-in-cheek method of applauding the author through employing contrast. I was being funny. Your serious reply gave me the opportunity to continue the mood,and I continued to escalate the ludicrousness of my comments in the hopes that you would get it.
                I wasn’t trying to frustrate. I looked at your blog and I can see that we actually have quite a bit in common with each other concerning the faith. I’m sorry if I confused you.

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                1. From my perspective, most people out there don’t have a sense of humour, even when applied openly. Sarcasm, though, is a rather bad way of trying to be funny in a forum visited by people from around the globe and with vastly different cultures. There are also some parents who would have followed your advice or example. We need to think before we post anything, especially where no rapport has been established first.

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                  1. I am a naturally sarcastic fellow, so I chuckled at his post. You make fair points here, though. ALL of us need to be careful of how we speak. But just as Christians need to be sensitive to others, they also need to keep a cool head. Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

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                  2. With all due respect, Pete, the apostle Paul utilized sarcasm consistently in making his more cogent points in his epistles, and that’s holy scripture. So, its difficult to agree with you that it is not a valid method of written communication. It is also a commonly employed technique in formal argumentation, even in academia.
                    On that topic, as someone who studies first century Christianity, you should be aware that the tendency to misread Paul is somewhat based on misunderstanding this element of his writing. Overstatement and sarcasm is common trait of rabinnic writings, and was also employed by Jesus (“if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out”…and other such statements)

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  10. While I can appreciate this post, I teach college freshmen, and I think their perspective would be even more illuminating than a 16-year-old’s. They know the needs and which ones weren’t met. I can tell you, there are MANY. Perhaps she can follow-up with young adult wisdom in a few years? 🙂

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    1. I appreciate your honest answer. Honesty I would think someone older than me would be way better writing this post with wiser and thoughtful answers than I would be.

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      1. I think we all have unique and important perspectives. Yours is quite valuable. I am always amazed at how much students release in the first-year writing classroom about their teenage years, namely because they finally have the time to consider their adolescence at a safe distance from their parents (and all the bias that that entails). I appreciate your thoughts here.

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        1. Thank you. 🙂 I just starting writing last summer. I discovered it was a talent of mine that I never knew about. Writing is my main passion. Getting to the persons heart and feelings is honestly the best thing a writer can achieve. Writing is a beautiful thing. I found other people recommending me a college comp. class in my freshman year. I found this surprising. Thank you so much for your honesty. I do get that college students would have more wisdom than I, but it’s something we all can relate too right? That’s my goal for this response post. Thank you so much for reading, it means so much. )

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        2. One could always seek counsel from those older and wiser. Parents parent from the lessons they learn as adolescents and pick and choose the good and bad from their parents’ parenting style. So they have a wealth of knowledge. My experience with college students is they are largely immature; of course I went to a large party school. With all the rebellion and partying and exploring freedom, 20-somethings would even be better because they have survived all that nonsense. But it is highly valuable to get the insight of those teens actually in the heat of battle-to explore what they are feeling and what they think could diffuse tension. So I find this discussion highly valuable, just as I find talking to my teenagers about parenting “out-of-the-moment,” when they are much better able to communicate their needs and frustrations. But I would never discount the value of discussion with all age groups.

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  13. Sayl, as a mother of three adult women and two teenage women I can say I feel you did a fine job with your post and got it bang on.

    Teenagers need to be heard and like anyone else they need to be respected and feel validated. They also need boundaries in a time when they are spreading their wings. Like someone else said above, they also need to make mistakes safely and be allowed to get a little life experience wherever possible whilst knowing their parents are there and in reach without the fear of being disciplined in an over the top way. For instance, the first hangover is going to hurt enough for older teens and there is no point in the parent jumping up and down with threats of grounding until next Christmas smiles.

    Having a teenager about can be a frustrating and wearing time for a parent who might mourn the cuddly pig-tailed sweetheart who used to hang on to their every word but it is also a time of joy and satisfaction when you see your child grow into adulthood and know you have done a reasonably good job. And you have, even if it doesn’t seem like it when you see the state of the pit they sleep in, the grunts to your cheerful repartee and get to experience their hormonal moods.

    Give them the space to grow safely, be there when mistakes are made and let them find their independence and place in the world.

    And above all remember…they will be picking your retirement home ;-D

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    1. Wow. Thank you. 🙂 thanks for sharing your thoughts! It’s hard to say but I do agree with you! I am preparing to be a parent…wait ugh, let’s not think about that TOO soon. 😉

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  15. Very good points! My teen (13) is HF autistic so some struggles there but overall we thankfully have a great relationship with bumps in the road like everyone else. Thanks for your perspective Sayl!!

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  16. This was great! I wish my husband and I read this when our daughter (only child) was in her teens. Great suggestions. I can’t think of anything else, very succinct and great writing and communication skills. Dad-you should be proud. Let us know how it goes as you try to implement her suggestions! 😉

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    1. Note: Sayl is not my daughter. 🙂 Although, I suspect I would be proud for her to be. But your wink is right, implementing any advice for raising children is a challenge. Thanks for your comments!

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      1. Oh no… WE are not….related. Lol, I don’t know how we would relate because this relationship we’ve developed is way too good of one to be a Dad and daughter relationship. If any of you thought so, well….we aren’t

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    2. Well I your daughter has children, maybe you should suggest this to her…;) then you’re doing a pretty good job at parenting…wait, who am I to judge that? Am not! Lol!

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