The following is a response from a 16-year old to my Prickly Parenting post. After she gave some feedback, I asked her if she would be willing to share her perspective on behalf of teens, and she graciously agreed! And without arguing! 🙂
I take the following from her response:
1) Communicate with your teen without yelling and without condescension. When you yell, they block you out–the brick wall. Let them know you are trying to help them and that you are doing so because you love them. If you didn’t love them, you wouldn’t bother disciplining.
2) But also listen to your teen and try to understand his or her perspective. Make sure communication runs both directions and that both are truly trying to understand the other. Think back to when you were a teen and try to put yourself in your teen’s position and mindset.
3) Take every opportunity to remind your teens how proud you are of them. Compliment them on their achievements AND effort. Because teens require so much “parenting,” take every opportunity to lift them with your compliments. Look for and praise their effort, even if they don’t fully succeed.
So, take a look at her post below and be liberal with your feedback. Questions welcomed.
[Contributed by Saylwithpens.]
Hello everyone! I’m Sayl! I got this wonderful, yet terrifying opportunity from, The Daddy Blitz! He has invited me to write a response post for, Prickly Parenting! 🙂 If you haven’t done so, you should take a look at that post before reading this post from me, otherwise things probably won’t make a whole lot of sense. Anyways, before I start my arguing– ehem, I mean talking about my view as teen on The Daddy Blitz post, if any of you are interested you can take a look at my blog, SaylwithPens, for a little background information. 🙂 Alrighty, cutting down to the slack!
I’m sure some of you are thinking, why would he let a teenager write a response to his post? Honestly, I think it’s nice to know a teenager’s view on how parents manage the career of parenting, but other than that, I do not know! You should maybe ask him that question. Getting two views on one specific topic is actually refreshing, as in, it’s nice to know what the other person is thinking or reaction in the same situation. You get two views! Hey, I think it’s nice to know that! I mean, if there is a conflict, I would like to know what the other person is thinking, that way it makes it easier to solve the problem! That’s right! I think you guys know right where I’m heading!
Communication. That’s right.
Communication is a big part to life and guess what parents? You’re going to have to communicate to your teenager. No, please don’t go over to your phone and text your teenager. Have a clear conversation on what you expect out of them. And teens? Yeah you have to talk too, but I know it’s super hard to hear what you don’t want to hear, but please just listen and respect them when they tell you their expectations. But, my main focus are the parents who are dying to know what’s going through their teen’s head when they are talking.
Parents, if I understand right, most of you want to trust your kid. You want your kid going out and doing something pretty fun, but with responsibilities. Touching a little bit on the post, Prickly Parenting, when The Daddy Blitz says, “And then their responses multiply my prickles. You know what I’m talking about…The eye-rolling. The sighing. The back-talking. The sass,” we teens want to be right, but criticism isn’t easy on our ears. But, we think we know it all; I’ll admit it, we don’t. When we think we are almost adults, we are actually pretty far from that. I mean some adults haven’t figured it out and are just playing the game, if you know what I mean.
We roll our eyes because we are laughing, or saying something that probably shouldn’t be said! Haha, this may not be the case every time because when my dad makes those…puns, they are…ridiculous! Thanks for stating the obvious, Dad. SO then I roll my eyes because the joke he was trying to get off is so bad and so stinking obvious. But anyway, I shouldn’t roll my eyes because it’s disrespectful and rude.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows the reason behind all rudeness we throw off at adults. Okay, we are going through a very uncomfortable stage called growing-and-everything-is-getting-to-be-really-confusing. But, that shouldn’t be the only reason we tick our parents off. The answer is,
We just need to understand you are trying to teach us how to survive in the real world.
I think that you need to remind them, even though they may appear to be ignoring you, that you are trying to teach them how to be an adult in the real world because…you love us. But don’t just constantly remind us verbally every day. Do it in different ways. I’ll share an example from my parents. So, I am in speech and we compete all around the state at different schools. So my dad came to judge and watch me speak. I haven’t seen him all day except when he was watching my speech that I have written. He sent me a text later saying that he was very proud of me. Seeing his daughter mature and grow; he was very proud of me. Okay the point I’m trying to get at is, remind us on what we accomplished. It motivates us to try harder. Also, we respect you for noticing that we are trying.
Teens won’t grow overnight, unfortunately, it’s a long process.
I’m not trying to train you parents to be perfect ones, in fact there’s no such thing. But maybe understand your son’s or daughter’s position; remember yourself as a teenager. Even though technology has become a big part of our world, understanding your teen is really, really reassuring. And I mean that. I know how that feels. Having a parent there by your side telling you that they really know how you feel is great. 🙂
So, I got three steps for you all parents that might be helpful.
1.Communicate, as in, CLEAR communication.
2. Remind. Remind us you’re trying to teach us. Remind us on how proud you are.
3. Understand. Understand the situation your teen is in. If you can’t understand, then sympathize.
We teens are trying, well, at least I am, to respect and earn trust from you guys! Here’s a good verse I like to remind myself when I feel like ignoring or bypassing their rules.
Just something good to know. 🙂
Feeling prickly? Feeling like you want to find a comeback for your teenager? There’s something better for both parent and the teen to do; to help understand both views of the situation. Communicate-ask your teen what’s up. Ask your teen to put it in your perspective for better understanding on both sides. Talking about it is way better than not talking about it at all.
Remind- Remind us on how proud you are on our progress. Remind us that you’re trying to teach us how to live in the real world, because, you love us. 🙂
Understand-look back when you were a teen, you probably felt the same things. Help your teen understand that you’re doing this because you love them.
I hope I gave the struggling parents some ideas, or something they already knew. Epic fail there. Or maybe a different perspective on, Prickly Parenting, but I don’t know. I just hopes this helps you in some way. 🙂 Plus, good luck on parenting teens!
Feel free to give your insights or comments below. 🙂 I would like to hear from you all! Is there something I could have covered more? Less? Something else? I look forward to your agru–uh, statements!
Thank you, Daddy Blitz for this opportunity!
And, Thank you all for reading!